Every year at Thanksgiving personal trainers and dieticians are doling out the usual bits of advice to prevent you from packing on the pounds over the holidays. And usually that same advice prevents some of you from actually enjoying the holidays. You know what I'm talking about-
'Set your alarm and get up two hours earlier and squeeze in a 5 mile run.'
'Do ten squats every time you open the oven door.'
'Jog in place while you mash the potatoes.'
'Drink a half gallon of water before you sit down at the table and another 12 ounces between every bite of food.'
'Stay away from the buffet table, you'll gain five pounds just looking at it.'
'Don't eat any carbs.'
'Have a large salad first with no salad dressing, then for your main course have one ounce of turkey, white meat of course, some green beans, a bite of sun dried yam, and a glass of water. For dessert have a sprig of peppermint.'
Well this year I've decided to post my own Thanksgiving day rules. I think you like mine better.
First, take it easy on the appetizers, (unless of course they are extremely awesome) especially if your contribution to the dinner is sitting on your ass watching the game to 'Stay out of everyone's way in the kitchen.'
Don't you remember hearing your mom tell you "You're going to spoil your appetite"? Well that certainly applies on Thanksgiving day. The really good stuff is getting served later you know.
Go easy on the alcohol. Not only are you taking up space for the great stuff(ing) but there are some bad consequences, like you getting drunk, running off at the mouth and getting stupid. Next thing you know you've pissed off a family member that has no problem recording of video your drunken, belligerent antics and posting it on Youtube. Happy holidays.
Don't eat under-cooked turkey! Seriously, poultry should be well done. And if you drank too much you might not even notice you're eating under-cooked poultry and if you did piss someone off they just might let you continue eating it.
Don't mix all your food together on your plate if there are small children at the table. They'll think that's gross and you always be remembered as the one that ruined Thanksgiving dinner, forever.
If you find a hair in your food, don't make a scene. Be polite about it. Unless of course you find nits on it, then it is completely within reason to run away from the table screaming.
If you're the chef and someone finds a hair of yours in the food you have three options; 1- ask them in a snarky manner what their contribution was to the dinner, unless they did help out or contribute something substantial like those awesome appetizers that the lazy helping-by-staying-out-of everyone's-way drunk game watchers ate all of and didn't save you one, then (Number two) just smile and say "Good thing I shampooed this morning" or three- say "You think that's bad, wait'll you see what I hid in the dessert!"
Don't have seconds on dessert. Unless of course you exercised before dinner, then you earned it. But then if the hair in the food issue comes up, well...
Most importantly, remember that cortisol can have negative effects on your body and health. Higher than normal levels of the hormone are released into the blood when you get stressed. So don't stress out. Relax. Enjoy the company, even those jerks that you are now realizing you wished you hadn't invited like you said after last years get together. Chill out and have a drink, but not too much. You don't want to end up on Youtube!
I believe there are a handful of days every year that everyone should be able to relax and enjoy a meal without feeling guilty. Thanksgiving is one of them. Enjoy your day and enjoy your meal. And remember to be thankful for everything you have to be thankful for.
And finally, if you are going to watch the late game after dinner root for the Steelers!
Created on Wednesday, 27 November 2013