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Aaron's Superbowl Snack Advice

Created on Sunday, 02 February 2014

 It amazes me what a major food holiday the Superbowl has become. It's the busiest delivery day for United States' second largest pizza chain, and I'm sure it probably applies to the largest chain too. And then there's the chicken wings, all 90+ million pounds. Why it's the most popular Superbowl snack I'll never understand. 

I realize that for some people the closest thing to physical activity they'll get today will be a long duration jaw workout and possibly too many 12 ounce curls. For most the only way of increasing their heart rate is going to be from screaming at the TV screen.

Never fear, I'm here to help.

Since I was gracious enough to provide the nation's best Thanksgiving Advice (don't google it, I admit it is self proclaimed but many others agree) I'm going to do the same for Superbowl Sunday. So here it goes.

1. No chips. That's right, no chips. Unless you could care less about the game and there's no concern of getting too excited. If you are a raving fan, the kind that's jumping up hollering at the TV, high fiving constantly, and just plain acting like a fool No Chips for You! The choking hazard is too high a risk.

Soup Nazi No Chips for You

2. No wings! Again, if you treat the game with the same enthusiasm as an episode of Jeopardy fine, go ahead. But again for the die-hard fanatics those tiny bones are serious choking hazards when inhaled. Plus no one wants to be cleaning up the buffalo sauce from the couch or chair arms or high fiving you with slimy, saucy fingers. So no wings.

3. No greasy foods for the same reason why I say no wings. Plus there's the fact that all that fat & grease plus whatever else is making your taste buds override common sense is going to eventually start to wreak havoc on your innards. Then probably around the early fourth quarter one of two things is bound to happen- You're going to need to sprint to the restroom, hopefully in time, and miss the best play of the game. Or you're going to pause live TV with your remote only to return and find out that your DVR picked today to act stupid and change the channel to QVC when you hit the play button. Now you've either pissed off everyone that was waiting for you to return or you've ordered a stupid ab machine you know you're never going to use, or both.

4. Limit your beer intake. First, just like I told you in November there's the risk of you getting drunk and beligerent but Superbowl fans might not be as civil towards you today as they were at Thanksgiving dinner.
Second, keep in mind that the Superbowl is also famous for the multi-million dollar ads. Do you really want to be running to the bathroom during every commercial break? You'll be missing half the entertainment.
Well what about wine? you may ask in a nasally, whiny voice. To which I say <start sarcastic font> Oh, that's right, and everyone talks about the memorable wine ads from the Superbowl <end sarcastic font>. If the games excites you and gets you on your feet, no red wine. Unless you have a spray bottle of stain remover and rag with you. Otherwise stick to white wine.

5. Nothing in a bowl that requires a spoon. Again this is only for those that can't contain their excitement. If your only exercise today is going to be jump squats that you perform by hopping out of your seat during every play or from every flag thrown, think about the mess you're going to make sloshing food all over the place. Save it for later.

Soup Nazi No Soup for You

So there you have it. To sum it up if you are a raving, die-hard fan it's completely fine to have water and something safe like maybe a slice of bread, untoasted of course. If you're like me and don't get worked up over the game go ahead and enjoy your snacks. Remember the everything (and anything) in moderation rule. Eat like you're watching the game, not like you just finished playing in it.
 After all it's just the Superbowl, and it is only a game, no big deal.
Now let's see how long before Homeland Security contacts me about making such an Anti-American terrorist comment.

Aaron Harris is a personal trainer in north San Diego county California. He will be viewing the Superbowl for the commercials as well as the game. Aaron is not any kind of terrorist, no matter what some of his clients may tell you.


Dr. J
# Dr. J 2014-02-04 12:24
How are we gonna have a food fight without the spoons, lol! Seriously, great list!
Hope you keep fighting the good fight!
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# Aaron 2014-02-04 21:39
Thanks Dr. J!
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